Author Archives: Jenny

Days 5 and 6

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So yesterday got away from me and I remembered that I had forgotten to write as I was lying in bed.  Sleep and rest is my priority so I wasn’t about to get out of bed for a quite recap.  So here’s two days in one.

Today was the first day since I started where I had a craving.  All in all, that’s pretty good considering I’ve been home from work this whole time.  Being busy keeps me distracted from cravings; being home, I’m used to sweets and snacking.  Today’s hankering was for chocolate.  I really wanted a piece of chocolate… I thought about maybe sprinkling some cocoa powder on my strawberries – but resisted.  I went for shredded coconut.  I beat my first craving!  I’m sure there will be others…

I made my first attempt at curry yesterday. Following the recipe, it was a little bland and the potatoes weren’t as cooked as I’d hoped by dinnertime, but it was edible.  I heated some up for lunch and it was better in the second eating.

Day 5 also found me back at the supermarket.  Three trips in five days!  Definitely need to plan better moving forward. A teacher’s salary only goes so far, you know.

Since I found myself again making hash for breakfast today (it’s too damn delicious!) I decided to make a soup tonight to have for my breakfast over the next few days.  I need to figure out breakfasts that I can take to work to heat ‘n eat there.  I’m hesitant to cook at home in the morning to eat before I go because the nausea always seems to kick in by 6:15a.  Feeding the nausea doesn’t seem like a pleasant way to start each day but eating at 7:05am should work.  This sausage and potato soup was quite tasty!  Soup seems a decent option for my take-to-work first meal.

My Day 4

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Well, I had curry chicken on the menu for dinner but had forgotten to defrost the chicken so I had to improvise dinner.  After a successful batch of hash for breakfast (bacon, sweet potato, onion), I decided to make another batch with an orange potato for dinner.  Maybe it’s not the healthiest way to go – but technically it was Whole30 compliant, so that worked for me today!

I also learned about a tasty little treat that might help me get through the rough days ahead.  I used some of the grated sweet potato to make a patty, sprinkled it generously with cinnamon, then pan-fried it.  So good!  I don’t have any pictures of those (I ate them too fast…)  I’ve had too many potatoes in the last couple days so I’ll have to watch that.

Day 4 Reflections:

  • Prep well ahead of time for week 2 (when I go back to work). I was going to go to the grocery store again today, which would’ve been three times in four days. Hopefully next week will only require two visits to Safeway over the full seven days.
  • Start off slower with exercise. I went to yoga yesterday and today am having trouble moving my shoulder joint without pain. I tried to do too much too soon and am paying for it now (unfortunately). Long walks will be the new plan until the shoulder gets fixed.
  • Quiet mornings are a nice start to the day. I turn on the kettle before going in to the restroom and brew myself a cup of ginger tea first thing each morning.  I’ve read lots about drinking a large glass of water first thing to wake up the body but I like the warmth of the tea and the ginger is soothing to my tummy. I sip it while reading (I used to check email or Facebook but am trying to stay device-free in the wee hours of the day). What I’m reading while I do my Whole 30 is How to Live a Good Life by Jonathan Fields.  It has 30 days of ways to improve the quality of life so it seemed fitting for this month. Then ten minutes of meditating with the Headspace app.  I’m hoping to keep that routine going once school kicks back in next Monday.
  • An army of one. Yes, it would be nice to do this program with someone (especially BBE since he lives here and I want him to experience amazing health alongside me) but I’m finding I’m doing okay without a partner.  I am feeling pretty good so far (hard to know if it’s the Whole 30 foods or the new med or that I’m on spring break…or most likely some combo of all of them) and I want to share my wins with others but it’s only been four days.  Too soon to toot my own horn…

My Day 3

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Waking on a weekday morning without an alarm is the best feeling! 🙂

I had some cooking fails today but, again, I’m feeling okay.  I’m nervous about when the bad feelings and cravings are going to set in. In so many blogs I read about Whole 30 experiences, people talk about their struggles in the beginning (and weird dreams later on…). It’s so weird to me that I haven’t had them yet. I’m a gal who loves her sweets – where are the cravings?  The headache?  The withdrawal??

I was feeling so okay today that I went to hot yoga in the late afternoon.  The heat was a little much for me today but I showed up for myself – and I’m glad that I did.  Admittedly, I almost didn’t go. About an hour beforehand, I just wanted to curl up on the couch with a movie.  Somehow I got past my relaxing desire and put on my yoga clothes. I’m not so sure I feel better having gone but it’s probably better for me that I went.  Not to mention, couch-time and a movie used to mean snacking.  It might’ve been tempting to eat had I stuck around at home.

Whole 30 – Day 2

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Day 2 has been an interesting day. I was waiting for the really bad feelings (headache, unsettled tummy)…but thankfully, they haven’t come.  I got up at 7am, after 8 hours of sleep. I wasn’t feeling particularly hungry and knew I’d want to go for a walk after my morning routine (ginger tea, meditation, reading) so I started the day with a banana and my morning med.

I really wanted to run after yesterday. The weather was beautiful and as I walked, I saw runners all over. It made me reminiscent; I missed the days of my own running, which I haven’t felt in quite some time.  But due to the fact I haven’t run in a while and I’m just starting Whole 30, I thought it best that I just walk today and keep my workouts simple until I see how my body reacts to this food plan.  Since today is uneventful, I’m thinking I’m going to go to hot yoga tomorrow.  (Hopefully I won’t regret that decision!)

I did notice a bit of bloating last night. It wasn’t uncomfortable like the bloating I had back in January; it was just my tummy stuck out more than usual. A little fatigue and bloating are the symptoms I’ve experienced so far; maybe I’ll get lucky and this will be the worst of it?

I googled other people’s experiences with Whole 30 and there has been quite a variety in what people experience.  I read them, not to compare, but just to see what others went through so that I might know what’s ahead for me.  Sounds like it was good that I took a week to start prepping my body for this program; indulging in the days before seem to cause more withdrawal symptoms.  The only thing I have to withdraw from is sugar.  BBE made cookies for himself today; that wasn’t a pleasant moment but I got through it.  Just gotta stay focused on why I’m doing this.  I want to feel better. I want the nausea to go away. I want the energy to do all that I want to do in this life.  If one cookie is going to take that away, that is not a cookie that I have any desire for.

My challenge today was at meal 2.  The challenge: I didn’t want to eat.  I wasn’t feeling hungry and was thinking about skipping it. I mean, why eat if I’m not hungry, right?  But I thought that goes against the plan so meal 2 ended up a bit later in the day and meal 3 was small but eaten.

Meal 1: Eggs with bacon and spinach, topped with guacamole
Meal 2: Berries with coconut, zoodles with guac and baked chicken
Meal 3: Roasted potatoes and chicken sausage

My Day 1 – Whole 30

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No sugar, legumes, dairy, alcohol or grains. For 30 days.

Breakfast was easy today. I enjoy eating eggs for breakfast when I have time to cook in the morning; since most mornings I won’t be able to, meal prep will be key for a breakfast that will keep me not feeling hungry until lunch.  Today’s breakfast was eggs with spinach and Whole30-compliant chicken sausage – tasty!

After a morning walk and meal one, I spent some time out on the back porch with my Kindle and It Starts With Food. Our north-facing porch is usually so cold but it was an unusually warm morning today, perfect for outdoor reading.  Since my focus this month is to improve my health overall, I’m adding on a few components along with eating Whole 30; spending time each day outside is also part of the 30-day challenge.

Also, I’ve added to my 30 days abstaining from Facebook and playing Candy Crush.  Facebook isn’t a huge time-waster for me; I do check it a few times a day but not for long periods of time.  My reasons for staying away are more about what my Facebook feed has become: some posts from friends about their kids and lots of posts about our current political climate.  The reminders of not having children and how our country is currently a scary, disappointing mess weigh on me mentally. Gotta take care of the mental health along with the physical so that’s why I thought it best I take a little break from it all.  As for Candy Crush, that is a time waster of mine – not a terrible one but I figured I could find other ways of occupying myself during these 30 days that would be better than sitting around staring at a tiny screen.  Perhaps more time in nature… While the food part hasn’t proven too difficult on this first day, there were several moments where I was tempted to revert to these two habits, mostly in moments of boredom.

As a possible treatment for my nausea, I started a new anxiety medication a couple weeks ago. I upped the dosage today.  It’s possible that the medication could make me not feel well initially so it’s hard to know if the symptoms I experience in the next few days will truly be from the Whole 30 foods or side effects from the medication.  I’m hoping both will be mild, otherwise I’m being particularly cruel to myself…and on my spring break week at that!

The only symptom I had today was fatigue.  Again, not sure if it was from the food or the medication or just a lazy Saturday where too much reading brought on heavy eyelids.  I did nap on the couch for about an hour, from 4p to 5p.

The BBE had breakfast with me and said he’d eat the Whole 30 foods along with me while we were at home together.  But once he heard about what all the restrictions were, he backed out.  So it seems that I’ll be going through this alone, which I think will be okay. BBE was supportive in that he cooked up steaks and asparagus for our supper.  I wish he’d do the whole thing with me, as the potential health improvements would be wonderful for both of us. But to each his own… I know this is what I need right now – maybe my results will motivate him down the road.

Meal 1: Eggs with spinach and chicken sausage
Meal 2: Baked salmon with garlic, sweet potato with cinnamon
Snack: Berries with shredded coconut
Meal 3: Grilled steak and asparagus, strawberries with almond butter

The April experiment

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It’s been a rough 2017 so far.  Out of nowhere, my phantom nausea had returned mid-January and has been popping up all over the place ever since.  A handful of doctor visits and maxing out all my sick leave has found me here: 5 days until spring break and convinced it’s time to “fix” myself.

Apparently my ailment is functional – there’s nothing seriously wrong but things aren’t working as they should be.  The catchall reason why: stress.  I know that I haven’t been good about making my health a priority and I even see it now in the midst of whatever this is. After being home for two weeks, I went to work and had a few days where I felt wonderful. I thought I was over the hump…until it came roaring back BIG time. I got lazy with the working out and diets; you know, the part where I take care of myself. I had stopped, and my body was not happy.  So I did some reading-research and came up with a plan.

Whole 30 for April

April is 30 days long, which is perfect! Spring Break starts on April 1, also perfect. I’m not going to go into what the Whole 30 plan is; if you don’t know or never heard of it, google it. I had purchased the It Starts with Food book a couple years ago but never finished reading it (a bad habit of mine…)  I’m now in the midst of it and am hopeful that this is what my body needs right now.  My brain could use the challenge of sticking with restricted food choices. My body needs the whole foods.  It all needs a break from excess sugar.  I love sweets but I’m tired of feeling like crap. If all it’s going to take is 30 days to heal this ol’ bag of bones, how dumb would I be to not try it?

Sweat it out

So that’s the food part.  I’m also going to go to hot yoga three times a week because it was starting to work and then I got lazy.  I felt stronger. I could stretch deeper. I had gone down a pound and kept it off for over a week instead of the daily fluctuations that kept happening.  If my schedule allows, I may try to go four or five times. It’s a great way to transition from my work day to me-time at home.  If I don’t go to yoga, the plan is to take a long walk.  Time in nature has been missing from my life lately. It’s all about whatever it takes to keep stress at manageable levels.

Setting up the experiment

This week, I’m shifting my diet towards the Whole 30 but the rules aren’t absolute for this week.  I did bake an egg dish for my weekday breakfasts this week to heat-and-eat when I get to work.  Eating a protein-rich breakfast is a part of the program but since I feel nauseated every morning, I can’t cook at home. I’ve been nauseous most mornings when I get to work so eating is going to be a challenge but we’ll see how it goes this week. I’m also due for my period and tend to feel achy the first twenty-four hours so tomorrow (Monday) should be tons of fun…

I’m really hopeful that I reap great rewards from this program like I’ve read others have experienced. I want to get off the couch and have energy and feel normal, feel human more often than not.  It’s been a really rough couple of months and I need something to change.

 

SWF ISO Relaxation

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I just went to Amazon to search for “relaxation”.  I was hoping I could simply purchase some.  Maybe the items listed work for some but I wasn’t convinced that some oils, coloring books, or zen music would fix me.

A recent visit to my doctor left me with the prescription of: find relaxation.  When I got home, I found myself stressing out over how to relax – because that’s what I do.  I looked at my life through a comparison lens and wondered what right I had to be so stressed; I am very fortunate in many ways…nevertheless, here I am. Before I got too carried away in getting mad at myself, I realized that comparing oneself to others is *never* a good solution.  I am stressed and it’s making me physically ill, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  I need to channel my energy towards proactive solutions, not trying to convince myself to not be stressed or try to talk myself into releasing it.

For the next two weeks, I’m going to seek out relaxation. Two weeks at home are not going to cut it. I’ve tried the sleep in, watch TV & movies, eat comfort food route…that describes most of my weekends as of late.  And much to the chagrin of this highly sensitive introvert, that’s not cutting it in the R&R department.  I need active relaxation.  Maybe a yoga class…as much as it will make me anxious to be around all those strangers.  Long walks in nature might heal…provided I not obsess over the location of all toilets on the route.  I have found peace before; I can do this.  It’s been awhile since I’ve felt it but I know it’s out there somewhere.

Day 1: Trying to wrap up all loose ends on being able to have the next two weeks off. Taking a walk in the cold, windy rain because I wanted a bagel. Listening to meditation music while the rain continues to fall as I reflect and write.  I think I’m on the right path…

What can I do

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I sit here, dressed for work. I’m looking kind of cute today in my beige button down, black flare skirt, black leggings, and blue Tieks, hair pulled back into a high ponytail. It says a lot that I feel cute without a stitch of makeup on.  That’s an odd saying, isn’t it? “A stitch of makeup”…doesn’t really make any sense when you think about it.  Anyway… I was all dressed and ready to go.  But yet, I’m still sitting here.  I can’t leave my home.  I’m afraid to venture too far from my bathroom.

Thankfully, the night passed without disruption.  The morning started out okay. I tried to not think ahead because it’s the thinking that starts the spiral. But since it seems to consistently strike around 6:30a, I wondered if I could get out the door fifteen minutes before then, maybe I could ward it off. Or maybe I would already be at work when the worst of it hits. Or maybe, dare I hope too big, if I just got out the door, this would be the morning that it wouldn’t be an issue at all.  I was ready to go around 6:21a. I looked at the clock to note the time when it began. It started small, in the middle of my chest. Then it spread outward.  It was time to leave for work and the nausea was setting in.  Do I stay or do I go?  The battle had begun.

I stayed home. Again.  The thought of being an adult who just wanted to curl up in a ball on the tiled floor of our school’s staff bathroom seemed unsettling. It’s hard to put myself in a potential situation like being responsible for a classroom full of children and having an urgency to use the bathroom but the bathroom is a 3 minute walk away and you can’t leave the children unattended.  I think many jobs, you could go in and see how it goes but if you’re not feeling better then you leave and go home. But I teach.  It’s hard to find someone in the middle of the day to take over the room. It’s hard to make the call to the office for coverage when you can’t wait those few minutes for that person to arrive without fear of embarrassingly having a toileting accident.  And yet this is where I’m at.  The doctor says it sounds like IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) but the horrible nausea makes me think it may be functional dyspepsia (I read about that yesterday).  Whichever it may be, it is not something you can easily manage while being a classroom teacher. I’ve tried googling for the stories of other teachers and how they manage.  Some lucky ducks have a bathroom nearby and students they could leave for a couple minutes. Not me.  My sick time is dwindling and I don’t know how to fix this…which is adding more stress to my body and probably making matters worse.  I don’t know what to do…

Am I the only one?

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It might seem a bit absurd but the world we are currently living in is making me physically ill. I’ve tried a variety of things to make myself feel better or figure out what is the physical cause. But there is none.  So it seems to be psychosomatic, and it’s making me miserable.

The current state of our country is giving me indigestion.  I’ve been battling nausea and diarrhea on and off since early November.  What could’ve happened back then that would make me sick to my stomach and below?  Yup, the country went the other way, and all that has happened after that time frustrates me so much that it’s affecting my body’s health.

I like to think of myself as being open-minded and compassionate. Even if I disagree with someone, I don’t presume I am right and they are wrong; we just think differently.  But the actions that have been coming out of Washington lately are not just different from the beliefs I hold; they’re blatantly mean and clearly pushing a specific agenda. Sadly, that agenda is not about supporting American ideals or the Constitution. I don’t have the words to truly explain how I feel…and because of that, it’s eating me up inside – literally.  How do you put a nominee up for Secretary of Education who never worked in education, who doesn’t know basic education laws?  How does that nominee continue to move forward towards being given the position when teachers are VERY outspoken about her lack of qualifications?  Newsflash: teachers work in the field and are VERY knowledgeable about what would benefit students.  Respect the opinions of the professionals knee-deep in the trenches every day; we kind of know what we’re talking about. It’s that lack of respect for the opinions of teachers that is driving me towards the exit.  This matter is one of the most disheartening for me lately. I wish all the Republicans voting her along could explain their thinking, explain how her background and what she’s said (not how much money she paid them) will make her the most successful person in that role.  Personally, I feel like ANY teacher would be better qualified. I have more knowledge, experience, and qualifications than that woman.  Unfortunately, someone like me would never be considered for the Secretary position: my family doesn’t have billions of dollars so I can’t do anything for the Senators.

Along with the regular stresses that come along with teaching, I can’t escape all the questionable politics, the lies they keep spouting, the selfish acts, the protests, the misguided focus of the Administration, the self-centeredness of that man… It’s all over the news, my Facebook feed, the teachers’ lounge, my go-tos for comedic relief (Jimmy Fallon & The Tonight Show). It’s no wonder that I’ve been getting sick so much.  I’m not sure my stomach is going to get through the next four years without developing a massive ulcer…

Joy in Anticipation

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Ever sign up for something that sounds fun and interesting, then you look forward to it with excited anticipation, and when the big day finally arrives…you don’t want to go?  This happens to me ALL. THE. TIME.  In thinking about it to try to figure me out, I thought maybe it jut meant that I was more of a enjoy the process person and the actual culminating activity doesn’t really matter.  But my marathon experiences tell me I know that doesn’t describe me at all. I struggled through all my marathon training experiences; I never enjoyed the process building up to the races! I was all about the actual day, and then the races themselves were never great because of improper training.

It’s frustrating to continually have this loss of desire happen so often.  I’ve looked back over years of calendars and see how many things I bailed on last minute because of this.  To clarify, I never bailed on friends I said I would do things with…actually, now that I think of it, this mostly happens to things I sign up to do solo.  That’s gotta mean something…

Here’s today’s instance:
So last week, I was home sick on Tuesday and Wednesday.  Scared that what I was experiencing were early menopause signs, I started reading Is It Me or My Hormones? by Marcelle Pick and it intrigued my inner health enthusiast.  I ordered supplements and began prepping to do the 28-day plan this February.  I also noted the importance of reducing stress.  For a variety of reasons, my job (5th grade teacher) has been really trying on me this year.  With my 41st birthday looming in the week ahead (yesterday), I had decided that I would take the Friday after (today) off from school and scheduled things to allow me to spend a day relaxing.  I signed up for a morning yoga class, an early afternoon massage, followed by a very much needed haircut later in the day.  My birthday was nice; BBE took great care of me, as he always does.  I woke up at 5:10am this morning and felt wide awake so I figured I’d get up.  I was feeling a bit anxious about the yoga class, like I didn’t want to go.  And yes, all week since signing up, I was looking forward to today.  it sounded like a wonderful day that I had planned for myself.  This morning, I wanted to go nowhere and do nothing today.  WHY?!?!?  It’s so frustrating…  I need to figure this out because I think that if I can, I would find a bit more joy in my life.  At the very least, I’d stop getting mad and disappointed with myself.  I keep thinking that I want a more active, involved life and yet, I also feel like enjoying the comforts of my home and alone time there.  Another project to add to my growing list…