I just went to Amazon to search for “relaxation”.  I was hoping I could simply purchase some.  Maybe the items listed work for some but I wasn’t convinced that some oils, coloring books, or zen music would fix me.

A recent visit to my doctor left me with the prescription of: find relaxation.  When I got home, I found myself stressing out over how to relax – because that’s what I do.  I looked at my life through a comparison lens and wondered what right I had to be so stressed; I am very fortunate in many ways…nevertheless, here I am. Before I got too carried away in getting mad at myself, I realized that comparing oneself to others is *never* a good solution.  I am stressed and it’s making me physically ill, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  I need to channel my energy towards proactive solutions, not trying to convince myself to not be stressed or try to talk myself into releasing it.

For the next two weeks, I’m going to seek out relaxation. Two weeks at home are not going to cut it. I’ve tried the sleep in, watch TV & movies, eat comfort food route…that describes most of my weekends as of late.  And much to the chagrin of this highly sensitive introvert, that’s not cutting it in the R&R department.  I need active relaxation.  Maybe a yoga class…as much as it will make me anxious to be around all those strangers.  Long walks in nature might heal…provided I not obsess over the location of all toilets on the route.  I have found peace before; I can do this.  It’s been awhile since I’ve felt it but I know it’s out there somewhere.

Day 1: Trying to wrap up all loose ends on being able to have the next two weeks off. Taking a walk in the cold, windy rain because I wanted a bagel. Listening to meditation music while the rain continues to fall as I reflect and write.  I think I’m on the right path…